Highly Sensitive
Person (HSP)
Tired of being told you're too sensitive?
Many people grow up having been told that they need to "toughen up" or "develop a thicker skin". They often hear the phrases "stop being so sensitive" or "you're overreacting" or "you think too much".
Even when family and friends mean well, it can feel like criticism. The message underneath the comments is that you are different and there is something wrong with you. Over time, you start to distrust your own inner experience.
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You can't get rid of your high sensitivity, regardless of how hard you try to "not think as much". I know this from not only science and psychological studies, but from my own personal journey as a highly sensitive person.
Telling someone to be less sensitive is similar to telling someone that they should have been born with brown eyes instead of green eyes. Being a highly sensitive person (HSP) is not a choice, nor is it a character flaw. It is not a disorder, nor is it a psychiatric diagnosis. However, being a HSP can leave some people feeling more vulnerable and susceptible to depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues.
The Roots of High Sensitivity
People are born with a certain temperament, and that temperament is largely based on genetics. Your temperament is how you respond to the world, including how your nervous system reacts, and how you emotionally regulate yourself. You can't change the way your brain is biologically wired, so your temperament doesn't shift much over your lifetime. As your personality develops, your temperament is modified by your experiences and interactions.
While "sensitivity" is a trait that we all have within us, at different levels, HSP is a temperament that is observed in about 15-20% of the population. When you are a HSP, your nervous system processes things more deeply. You often experience emotions and stimuli more intensely, have a strong capacity for empathy and self-awareness, and are more observant and intuitive. Whether these traits feel helpful or cause you difficulty is typically based on your environment.
If you are a HSP who was raised in an atmosphere that was attuned, stable, and supportive, you can feel things intensely and still feel safe. Your sensitivity becomes a strength that is easier to live with, and you develop the ability to self regulate and don't become as easily overwhelmed.
If you are a HSP who had a childhood where conditions were unpredictable, chronically stressful, and invalidating, your sensitivity can cause you to feel deeply pained and overwhelmed. You may learn to cope by becoming hyper vigilant or shut down. Or you become a people pleaser and a perfectionist in order to avoid disapproval.
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Misconceptions about HSP
It was often believed that high sensitivity people (HSP) were strictly introverts. However, around 30% of HSP are extroverts and they may not recognize that they are HSP because they are more social, more adept at handling environmental stimuli, and can more easily adapt to their surroundings.
There was a belief that only women were HSP but there are an equal amount of men and women who are highly sensitive. Social conditioning has made it more difficult for men to show their high sensitivity.
There is also a common misconception that all HSP are shy. This perceived shyness can often be attributed to an innate HSP behavior where information is first gathered, and safety is accessed, before a HSP feels comfortable in a new situation.
When you absorb everyone
else's feelings
Maybe you recognized that you felt more, you noticed more, and you needed more time to recover than most of the people around you. When you take in a lot at once, and that can feel overwhelming.
Relief from overthinking and emotional overload
Calm your mind without changing who you are
Highly sensitive people bring qualities that contribute greatly to the world. Their empathy and attunement help others feel seen, understood, and less alone. They notice nuance and reflect deeply, so they are often thoughtful and self aware.
